hey, i LOVED the blogpost on persecution. LOVED IT!! The whole thing totally took me back to a time in my life when things were crazy. Remember how I told you about my stepdad and his suicide? My mom went through a LOT of persecution with that, our whole family did. His entire family told her they "knew" she had been cheating (she was completely loyal) and that's why he left. There were lots of speculations, lots of mess. She had been totally betrayed by her husband who had 1.hurt her children 2. hurt her 3. left her in significant debt, etc. It was better to keep the secrets to let his family/friends keep some respect for him, even if he was a vile human being. If anyone understands persecution, it's my mom. She knows you are going through a mess. She doesn't know details. She has been praying for you and every time she calls or i call she asks about you. She somehow went through it all with grace. I know you can do it because I've seen it done.
It was so nice to hear someone who knew exactly what I was feeling and going through. Then God (not me- I'm not this wise:) sent her this e-mail in return and I thought I'd share.
"Thank you for the support and encouragement. I feel in the same boat. I would love to write a dissertation about how emotionally abusive Clay was, how he ignored me totally and lived in a separate room, how he told me I was inadequate, overweight and unattractive. I would love to tell everyone about the homosexual porn the cops found on his computer, about the fact that they found e-mails documenting that he was soliciting sex from men on craigslist. I would love to tell them the pain of saving yourself for marriage and having to be tested for STDs, the pain of losing your husband twice- once when I found out I married a lie and once when he died. But the simple fact is that it doesn't matter. Bringing out gruesome details, even if they are true, does nothing to help the situation. It rights no wrong and it doesn't bring Clay back. There is no glory in it. As hard as it is, I have chosen to remain quiet. Why hurt others with the same truth I now know? I want for them, for those who are persecuting me, to be able to think fondly of the Clay they remember. There is no need for me to take that away from them. I understand they are hurting and everyone (including me) is looking for someone to blame but the simple fact of the matter is the only one who had a choice was Clay. He's gone so all that's left is a bunch of hurting, angry people with no place for their pain to go. If that needs to be on me right now it's ok. I am in no way capable of shouldering that burden but the glorious thing is that God is so I don't have to! 1 Peter 5:7- Cast your worries on Him because he cares for you. Well here you go God, I have a whole heap of worries right now- thanks for carrying them!"
God is so great and wonderful. He is carrying me through this with grace I didn't know existed. I am still mad, I am still hurting but each day gets better as I realize more and more what a powerful God I serve. This same friend wrote me earlier this week with a word she had received for me and here it is...
"On Wednesday, I felt the word God had for you is, "My grace is sufficient for you." Why I didn't come home and email it to you immediately is just stupidity... i wanted to use pretty paper and such, but God doesn't care about such formalities! :) So, here's the verse in context. I know nothing I can do or say could help, but know that I am praying for you and hope you can find peace.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
She received this word on Wednesday. I found out about Clay on Thursday. Talk about providential! For reasons I will never understand my God loves me with such ferocity that He prepares the way before I ever know I will be walking in it. What a truly awesome and loving God. His grace is ALWAYS sufficient!
1 comments:
It is so clear that God is truly working in you and through you. You could have chosen to tell the world to defend yourself, but God has allowed you to realize that some things are SO much bigger than us. I know that I forget that, all the time. But, even in your pain you have allowed God to USE you! I will continue to pray for "peace that passes all understanding".
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