Happy Valentine's Day- a post about love!

So I got another sucker punch today, this one hurt a lot. I found out on the way here that I am not the benefactor from Clay's life insurance policy. He told me, on multiple occasions, that he had changed it so that I would "be taken care of" if something happened to him. He said that it was important for me to finish school and be taken care of through the next year and a half. He was the one that brought it up, not me. Then I found out today that not only was I not the benefactor, they were unaware that he even had a wife. What a slap in the face. It's not about the money. I have enough support that I will be just fine without that just like it's not about the fact that he was gay. I have no problem with gay people. It is ALL about deceit. I just feel like the last two years of my life were a lie. How can I be completely in love with a complete lie? Was I blinded by my affections for him? I was telling myself that he did care for me, at least in some way, but now I am not so sure. It hurts. How could he look me in the face everyday knowing he was lying to me? How could he kiss me and tell me he loved me knowing he didn't? How could he offer promises knowing he had no intention of keeping them? It is all such a farce and it guts me. I feel so shaken in my trust, my faith in people and my faith in love. Two things God said he was, truth and love.  God's love is perfect and so much more than any man can give. It is unfailing and always true. God sees beauty in me than man will never see. He gives me a sunrise each morning, the moon at night, rainbows after a shower, the beauty of clouds, majestic mountains, vast oceans and so much more. Not only did God create for me this beauty he gave me the heart to see it. Each day He sends me these special valentines to remind me He loves me. No man can ever give me a sunrise. What love God shows us in His daily gifts we take for granted.

I am reminded of a popular christian song that is all about how great His love is for us.
He is jealous for me 
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree 
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy 
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory 
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me. 
Oh, how He loves us so 
Oh, how He loves us 
How He loves us so. 

Yeah, He loves us 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves. 

So we are His portion and He is our prize, 
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes 
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking 
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest 
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way 

That he loves us, 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves 

He loves us, 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves 

[Whispered]: Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died and You met me between my breaking 
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony 
...they want to tell me You're cruel 
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...[voice breaks]... 

Cause He loves us, 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves 

Yeah, He loves us 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves us 
Woah, how He loves


.
 I found this verse and thought I'd share. What a wonderful love we can celebrate this Valentine's day!

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:16-21).