I be smart!

So I am learning a lot about humility right now. One of my characteristics that I strongly identify with is my intelligence. I think this was something that I have always clung to because it was concrete and measurable. Throughout my life many things about me have been up for debate, looks, personality etc. but my intelligence never was. Even when I was 300lbs I knew that people may dispute my attractiveness but I took refuge in knowing I was smart- that was an indisputable fact. It is also a place that I have always excelled. I was never super popular, I never excelled in sports, I always had friends but never a huge group, I was never the prettiest, I was never the wealthiest etc. but I knew I was smart. The therapist that I have been talking to, a wonderful Christian woman, brought up the observation that perhaps I OVER identify with that characteristic of myself. I think given my history it is easy to see why I would cling to this truth but she is right-I identify too much of myself in my intelligence. Something I have really been working through is my feeling that I am smarter than all of this. That I should have known, I should have protected myself better, I should have been smarter over all. Stephanie, my therapist, pointed out that that places me above the ability to be deceived and that I need to accept that even one of my greatest characteristics, my intelligence, is not above the deception of others. It doesn't take away from my intelligence it is just a recognition of humility in it.

Even through my graduate school I have taken pride, probably too much, in my ability to work hard and excel exceptionally in an incredibly difficult program. I took pride in my time management and diligence towards school. I am extremely competitive with myself and only accept the best. (enter giant whap from God here as he knock me down off the pedestal I have placed myself on.) I am completely overwhelmed by school right now. Forget keeping my head above water, I am already at the bottom of the ocean. As such I have had to majorly humble myself...major humility.  I have had to ask for extensions and special treatment from my professors. I have had to ask for help from my schoolmates (who are absolutely AMAZING- I would like to add.) I have had to accept that I will be LUCKY to make it through this semester with Bs instead of my usual expectation of straight As. I have had to humble myself to God's plan and trust that He will carry me through to completion. For a girl that is obsessed with all things dessert, humble pie taste like poop. blah!

On an aside...speaking of dessert I have found great (ok too much) comfort in the girls scout cookies delivered to my door last night. They are individually packaged right? I am pretty sure 12 cookies is a serving. Darn you Girl Scouts with your addictive crack cookies. Why must you torture me when I have nothing else to do but sit at a computer?

I ask for continued prayers in my school work, blessings for all those helping me and understanding in my heart and my professors' hearts in the current quality of my work.
Thank you all!

Proverbs 11:2 
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.