A dream is a when that your heart makes when you're fast asleep

Ok so I have a lot to update because I didn't want to post on top of the contest submission...here goes.

Thank you for all your prayers but I did not win this contest. I am not at all upset over this. I know that if it is God's plan for me to go the conference He will make a way. I learned a long time ago that I am not in control here and that's the way I like it! (well, most of the time;)

I have still been having dreams about Clay. They are not as frequent and mostly not traumatic but they are still there. I did have one particularly disturbing dream last week about me committing suicide again but that was only once and that was the worst one. So far a huge improvement and I am thankful.

Then on Wednesday night I had a very interesting dream. I know that God speaks to people through dreams. It is documented in the Bible many times like when Joseph interprets dreams for people in jail and for Pharaoh. I know it also is present now days as well. One of my very good friends has the spiritual gift of intercessory and prophecy. Now I know for some of you I just threw out a major Cuckoo flag but I do believe in spiritual gifts. I have not always and at times I was very freaked out by the idea of them but I now not only believe but have seen people with gifts of prophecy, healing, tongues, intercessory and more. There is a very real spiritual side of our God and if we allow access miraculous things occur.

 But I digress.... so my friend with these gifts often receives them through dreams. God will wake her up in the middle of the night to pray for someone. Sometimes she prays for them even in her sleep and sometimes He gives her visions. In the three nights before all this happened He gave her the same dream about me each night. She said that she saw me walking up a very long set of stairs, as steep as a mountain. That there was fog and darkness everywhere and she could see how weary I was. She said that I looked burdened and that each step took all of my strength. She told me that some steps were so great that she saw me literally pick up my leg and place it on the next step...but I kept on going. Each night God gave her this and laid it in her heart to pray for this journey. She had this dream on Monday, tuesday and wednesday night...Clay went missing on Thursday. Now, tell me that God doesn't speak through dreams?! Awesome, right?

I am so blessed with all sorts of gifts, even some of the spiritual gifts that I listed earlier, but dream prophecy is not one of mine. God talks to me during the day all the time but never at night ( I barely listen when I am awake He probably knows not to waste His time at night;) However, last week I received a dream...a special dream...a God dream!

I dreamt that I was with Clay and we both knew he was about to commit suicide. At first we were both so angry that we wouldn't speak to each other. I was mad that he was going to do it and he was mad that I didn't respect that he felt it was his only choice. Then I finally turned to him and said "you know you don't have to do this. Let's look at some of your other options." Then we talked for hours about everything. NONE of the conversation was based on us staying together, even in the dream I was surprised by this. I was surprised that I could love him enough to let him go. We both agreed that we weren't meant to be with one another and that was ok. We were thankful for the time we did have together and both understood that we would be happier separately. When we left he decided not to commit suicide. I woke up with a smile. I woke up with a peace. I woke up feeling like it was ok for me to move on with my life. We both loved each other enough to let the other move on- it was wonderful!

I whole-heartedly believe that was a gift from God. The peace I received from just that one dream was more than I got out of any therapy session, cry session, bible study yet. It was awesome! Thank you God!

For God does speak—now one way, now another—though man may not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men as they slumber in their beds, (Job 33:14-15)